Death by Query #1
A literary agent (name withheld) was found in his office yesterday laying on the floor, dead. He was surrounded by stacks of query letters, first chapters, and SASE's. On his computer were hundreds of unanswered emails all with the same subject title: QUERY. Cause of death: unknown. However experts believe that reading thousands of really bad query letters every week might have caused said agent's heart to give out. Literary agents everywhere are taking extra vitamins and hiring college dropouts to handle their endless piles of queries so that they may avoid this kind of situation.
Death by Query #2
Aspiring author M. Stanford was found in her home last night, slumped over her computer, her cheeks pressed into the keyboard, dead. Cause of death: unknown. However, evidence suggests something sinister. Note papers covered the desk with the same sentence written on each but in many different ways. Her computer screen showed a very jumbled query letter- repeated paragraphs written in different styles but conveying the same theme. Experts argree that possible cause of death was repeated attempts to write the perfect query letter. Her family, and her novel, are the only survivors of this tragic, and possibly malicious, death.