Thursday, May 3, 2012

Writer's Voice Entry #138

I know, I know, two posts in one day??? Well, I made it into the Writer's Voice competition!

Yeah, baby!

So I've gotta post my query letter (the plot part) and my first 250 words on my blog ASAP before I send it into the mentors. So here it is.

QUERY

Sixteen-year-old Jessica Jacobs is a super spy, a famous actress, and a princess.

Okay, not really. But she likes to daydream she’s all of those things and more. So when she wakes up with a medieval knight aiming his sword at her throat, Jessica thinks it’s just another daydream. Until she realizes that, 1- dude is actually causing her neck to bleed, 2- her dress is so hideous she never would have daydreamed herself into it, and 3- Zac Efron is nowhere in sight.

After pondering her sanity, Jessica is left with one option: ride out her time in Crazy Medieval Land until she can figure out a way home. Unfortunately, that means working for the Count’s horrible daughter and doing her best to avoid Lord Pervy’s wandering hands. It sucks being the peon instead of the princess.

Enter Lord Alric, AKA: knight-in-freaking-hot-armor. It would be easy to let him protect her, but Jessica refuses to be a damsel-in-distress. Instead, she convinces him to teach her to swordfight. Somewhere amidst the grueling hours of training, she falls for his chivalry and playful smile. Could time have brought them together? And if so, why is everything conspiring to keep them apart?

Happily ever after was so much easier in her daydreams.

FIRST 250


CHAPTER 1: Blake The Snake

He was supposed to be my knight in shining armor. My prince charming. The guy who would sweep me off my feet and trot me away from my blah life on the back of his white horse.

I glared at Blake Chapman around my locker door, wishing I could yank his shaggy blond hair out by the roots. Never mind that I used to daydream about running my hands through it, curling it around my fingers, and then pulling his face in for a kiss that would change life as I knew it.

Daydreaming about Blake Chapman had been my national pastime for the past three years. His soccer-stud physique and cocky smile were enough to make me woozy. In a good way.

Too bad our date, our one-and-definitely-only date, was just a scam. He didn’t like me. His reason for going out with me in the first place? And I quote,

“Hey, you think your friend Dani would go for me? She’s smokin’ hot.”

When I wouldn’t dish the dirt on Dani, pay for dinner, or give him any (in that order), he dumped me on the side of the road, four blocks from my house. Now he makes me woozy in an I-want-to-vomit kind of way.

When Blake headed down the hallway toward Algebra, I slammed my locker door shut and followed. Staring at the back of  his head, I imagined lightening bolts shooting from my eyes and frying that perfectly silky blond hair. I could almost hear the sizzle.

31 comments:

  1. I love this, what a great concept. I'm totally a sucker for portal stories. Good luck in the contest!

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  2. Great voice! :)

    (Oh, just a heads-up: typo on "lightening". Should be "lightning")

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  3. Really great voice in that query :) And nice choice of names for the guy in Ch. 1 ;) - The LI in my latest MS is also named Blake. Best of luck with the contest!

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  4. Gaaaah I'm so glad you made it in! I've seen this around, and loved it every time.

    query - "dude is actually causing her neck to bleed" BAHAHAHAHA

    Love how heartbreakingly true her experience with Blake the Snake rings. High school can be a bitch.

    Good luck! Can't wait to see which coaches fight over this one!

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  5. Fun story! I want to read more. :)

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  6. Holy schlamoley! That query is just jam-packed with voice and awesomeness! I want to read your story!!! Good luck, it sounds fab!

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  7. Agree with the other commenters, great voice in your query. Best of luck!

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  8. I have to be yet another commenter to say that the voice is your query (and 250) is AWESOME!!! I would totally read this book - it sounds fantastic and right up my alley (mine is also a modern day girl traveling into a "past" world in her sleep - although I think our stories are also WAY different - so I am obviously into that sort of thing). Good luck!

    Andrea #32

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  9. I don't read that many YAs, but I would read this. In a heartbeat. Your summary and 250 have so much character, and who hasn't had the thought that daydreams are simpler than real life? It resonates so well, even with us 30-*grumble*somethings. :D Good luck!

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  10. This is AWESOME. I am totally hooked. GOOD LUCK!

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  11. Good luck from one contestant to another! -April, #61

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  12. I'm. in. love. with your writing, story, character. So much fun! I would devour this in a day. :)

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  13. Hi Melanie, I'm visiting your blog from the Writer's Voice Contest (entry #58), and I wanted to wish you the best of luck! I'm also now your newest follower, so: nice to meet you!

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  14. I love the setting and Jessica's characterization :) It seems like a very interesting concept! Nice job, and good luck!

    SC (#159)

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  15. Is being told that your query has a fantastic voice getting boring yet? In that case, I'll just keep my thoughts to myself and wish you luck from #70 ;)

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  16. The voice of your MC is so fun! There should definitely be more Alrics in the world and fewer Blakes. ;)

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  17. The story sounds fun, but your voice takes it over the top. Have you read James Patterson's Maximum Ride series? I think Jessica and Max would totally hit it off.

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  18. I love this!! Man, you have an awesome voice, spunky as hell!! This is really great!

    Good luck in the competition, I think you will do awesome!

    Summer - #40

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  19. I love this!! I love the voice you have, it is so feisty! The heroine is a badass from the get go! LOVE this!

    Good luck in the contest, I think you will do great!!

    Summer - #40

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  20. Absolutely love this!!! Good luck!

    ~Nicole, entry 68

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  21. Good luck! Love your opening, especially, the lightning-bolts at the end.

    Brandi #199

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  22. What is it with swords? Totally with you on that one.
    Great query, stunning voice, just one thing missing - the title! I did have a (very) quick hunt around the site, to no avail. I'm quite prepared to believe it's my drop off and will cringe when you point it out.
    Best of luck
    Jacky (#130)
    xxx

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  23. I am going to be one of the first people to buy this book. Seriously. I love it! :D Best of luck!

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    1. I WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ME, ME! I want YOU! :D

      I've seen this before and loved it then too!

      I just love this kind of writing and story! Stupid boy! lol

      I hope you'll PICK ME back!

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  24. Hey! Congrats on getting picked for a team! Not too sure how much improving there is to do on this awesomeness, but make it good, because I want to hold the book in my hands one day!!!

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  25. Congrats on getting picked! Love the first line in your query! Best of luck to you as the contest continues! WVC #28

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  26. Honestly, you hooked me at "dude."
    It wasn't "this dude," or "that dude." or "some dude." just "Dude." It was awesome. You should also conisder throwing "girlfriend" in there are some point.

    Love the voice. I'd definitely read this.

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  27. It's been said before, but is worth repeating... what a great voice!

    Congratulations. Go Team Cupid!
    #97

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  28. Congrats on getting picked. Loved your title, your fabulous query, and your first 250. Hope I get to read the rest someday!

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