So I've been query stressing for the past two weeks. I keep changing it, reworking it, trying to find the best way to do it but without any real idea what is actually wrong with it.
Anyway, I tried writing it in first person and I have to say- it totally rocked! I know it breaks all the rules to do that but it really helped Jessica's voice to come out. Then with the help of my sister-in-law Emily, I changed it into 3rd person, fixed it up some more and then... I sent it over to Query Goblin. Ever heard of her? She started up her blog in January, and while she's not an agent or publisher, she gives something I needed most- a query critique from someone who hadn't read the book. She did an awesome job too. Aside from mechanical problems, she pointed out things that I just wasn't seeing- flaws with how I presented Jessica, and the plot.
So while I fix up those few things that need fixing, you should go check out Query Goblin: querygoblin.blogspot.com. Do it. Do it. (What movie is that from? The guy's got a really low voice... Must. Figure. It. Out.)