Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dumped By My New Best Friend

     So everyone out there says "don't take rejections personally" or "it's just subjective" or "it's just one person's opinion".
     I agree. I do. BUT...
     This is what makes it hard, this to me is why authors- me included- do take rejections personally:
     If I'm a good little author, then I know that after writing, editing a kabillion times, making sure my ms is the best it can be and I'm ready to query it, that I have even more work to do. If I'm a good little author I will start compiling a list of possible agents who represent my genre of novel. If I'm a good little author then I will choose a few and start to research them individually. If I'm a good little author I will pick one. I will read his blog. I will follow her twitter. I will read every interview he gave. I will read every book I can get my hands on that she represents. I will read every book I can get my hands on that is on his favorites list. I will become so knowledgeable about her that I feel like I know her. That we are destined to be best friends. I mean- she loves some of the same books I do, we watch the same TV shows, we both love mint chocolate chip ice cream. So it's inevitable that he will love my book and want to represent me. Because we were made for each other.
    And then two weeks (or two hours) later, I get back an email from my new best friend (or his assistant) that says- um no. It says, we are not best friends. We are not destined to be together. It says, I care not one tiny bit for you or your writing.
     So after all that I'm supposed to just shake it off? Shrug my shoulders and move on to a new best friend?
     Well, of course I do. Because it is all just subjective. That person does not know one teeny thing about me, even though I know about them. They don't know that we have all these things in common. So who can blame them when it's all my own fault for building up an imaginary relationship in my head that doesn't exist for real.
     But can you blame me? I am a writer after all. Living in my head is what I do. Making up imaginary relationships is what I do. So even though I do move on, sometimes it still stings.



  1. OMGosh this is so true! I've been blogging about things being subjective lately in an effort to remind myself to shake it off.

    Funny thing is, we have to build those imaginary relationships in order to personalize the query and get the guts to send it in the first place. Sometimes this road to publication seems like a lose, lose situation doesn't it?

  2. I'm SO SO with you!
    I think it's even harder when they request material, because then I really, really cyberstalk and I think you liked me a little, now you're totally destined to LOVE me and everything I write EVER!!

    Good luck to ya.
    I was just at a writer's conf where they give an award for the most rejections - the girl who won last year (167) has a book coming out this summer in 6 languages, and just sold her next to the same publisher...

  3. I don't blame you. It's really hard to take. In fact I have a post about this coming up soon too. I totally have imaginary relationships :)

    By the way, you won a critique on my blog today :)

  4. Yeah querying sucks. I go through total mood swings with it. I'm hoping I've finally got my query to a level where they will request material. Fingers crossed!

    Michelle- I'm psyched about the critique!