Here We Go Again

 
    I've finished yet another edit on the computer, an edit on paper (I've probably killed a forest by now- sorry trees), and I'm in the middle of editing on the computer one last time to make sure I don't have any mistakes. That might seem extreme but when I take all my notes and edits on paper and fix them on the computer, there's bound to be mistakes (there has been) so I have to go through it all again just to make sure.
     Yesterday I started the querying process again. One agent is now the recipient of my brand new query letter, and another agent has that new query letter and my new first chapter. It feels like I'm starting out all over again. I can't help but feel that hopeless positivity- mainly because this new stuff hasn't been rejected yet.
     It's like when I sent my book out for the very first time. I did it the old fashioned way- mailing it in to a very prestigious agency/agent. And then I waited for two months, all the while dreaming that I would get that phone call asking to see more. Of course that was a ridiculous dream. I'd like to hear of one author who got an agent from their VERY FIRST query. I don't think one exists. Because the fact is that no matter how amazing your book or query letter might be, not everyone will be interested in the subject.
     I was reading in Writer's Digest some successful query letters and the agents view on why they chose them. One of them was so mind-numbingly boring to me that if I was an agent I would have tossed it after the first two sentences. Obviously it hooked that particular agent though because he requested more and then eventually represented that author. It just goes to show that no matter how good your query or first chapter might be (and mine might totally suck- who knows), there will still be some agents out there who just won't be interested because it's not their thing or they're already representing something similar.
     Now that I'm back to checking my email every five minutes- or trying NOT to do that- I can't help but feel anxious and nervous and excited and scared and hopeful that maybe this time, my new stuff will do the trick. But it probably won't. And after the first few rejections I'll get, it won't matter so much anymore and I'll just keep plugging away on my search to find someone, ANYONE, who will see the potential in my work. And if I get nowhere, well, then I guess I'll have to go back and edit some more, rewrite my query letter, cut, maybe change my first chapter for the ka-billionth time.
     It's either that, or give up. And no way am I going to do that.