What's been weighing most on my mind hasn't actually been writing this week. Instead, I've been stressing about something I probably shouldn't take so seriously:
My oldest takes ballet and jazz, my middle daughter started ballet this year. Lately, I've been considering switching dance studios but I can't make up my mind if I should or not. This has been pressing on my mind all week, bugging me, stressing me out, causing lack of sleep and major annoyance.
Yesterday I realized that it's not the studios themselves that are making this decision so hard-- it's ME.
No matter what, every dance studio will have its pluses and minuses. What I'm having problems with is just how much I want my daughters to be involved. Dance takes time and money. Aside from classes, studios always want the kids to do exams and be in competition. Part of me wants the girls to do this, the other part says- it's too soon, they're too young, they don't need to just yet. Then I argue with myself that I want them to be the best they can be and these things will only make them better.
I love dance and I want my girls to love it to. (And no, I'm not a crazy dance mom- if they decide they'd rather do something else, I'm totally good with that.) My love of dance didn't come from getting high marks in exams or winning medals in competitions. My love of dance came from the teachers, the music, the choreography, performing, costumes, applause, friends in class, and the knowledge that I could do something, that I had a talent.
I'm starting to realize that it probably doesn't matter what studio they go to. I want them to learn technique and discipline, but I want them to have fun too. They don't have to be the best, they don't have to win a ton of medals. What I wish most for them is to be happy. I want them to love what they're doing, no matter what it is.