Thursday, March 17, 2011
First off, happy St. Patty's Day. I'm wearing my Lucky Charms shirt in honor.
But onto something more serious.
So, two this have happened in the past few days that have left some questions lingering in my mind. First off, at church on Sunday our relief society lesson was on service. One of the things our teacher said was that everyone has different talents and strengths and we should serve how we are best able. That got me thinking... what are my talents? Writer? Well, maybe, but how does that help with service?
Then then missionaries came by last night to talk and issue us one of those very-scary challenges. When they asked if I had anyone in mind to bring into our home I said, um no. When they asked for the first person that popped into my head, I did think of someone, but it's someone I hardly know. And I laughed in utter embarrassment and then sheepishly explained that I'm kinda anti-social and therefore... sorry, I've got nothing.
It got me to thinking... I've always been kinda shy. On the bachelor finale this past Monday, Emily described herself as "private, not shy". Well, I'm both. I'm not always shy, but I definitely don't put myself out there. I say hi to people, but I'm not much of a conversation starter. I've always been this way and I feel like I always will. I've been better at different times of my life (BYU), and I've been worse (like when I first started having kids). But this is who I am.
So my question is- is this a bad thing? I mean, yes, I wish I was different. I wish I was a lot more outgoing and comfortable with people. And this shyness limits me- I could make more contacts, put myself out there more in the writing world, etc. But this is who I am. Should I change that? Sometimes I think- why bother? But then I think about service or missionary work or even what I would do if I go to a writer's conference and I think, I need to be better. I need to be unafraid of people, or looking stupid, or being rejected. Because I hardly ever serve. Because I have no one I could talk to about the church or invite to something. Because I'm terrified of even doing so. So then I think, I need to change. But will I...