LDS Writer Blogfest: "What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye To Be?"

     First off, before I get to the talk, there were two things that happened during conference that I just have to mention. While I was sitting on the couch, waiting for the Sunday morning session to start, my 6-year-old son sat next to me. He sat quietly, his arms folded across his lap, and watched. After the opening hymn was over he turned to me, his eyes wet, and said, "Whoa, I almost cried there." I just about fell off the couch. Granted, his quiet sitting lasted only minutes longer, but in that one moment, he felt the spirit. Awesome. He's totally his mother's son- feeling the spirit strongest through music. While I sang along to the intermediate hymn with the choir and the entire congregation at the conference center, I just felt this swell in my chest at all the voices joined together. I get that feeling in sacrament meeting sometimes and it's just awesome. Something I can't really describe except it's a bit of breathlessness, of awe, and a feeling of commonality, of being joined as one. Music is very powerful and truly amazing.
     Anyway, on to the talk- What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye To Be? given by Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy. There were so many great talks but one of the reasons I chose this one is because it was the kind of talk I wanted to listen to again to really understand it. And there were certain parts that really struck a chord with me and in different ways.
     In our quest to be like the Savior, there are many thing we need to do. But we also need to be. Brother Robbins says, "be and do are inseparable". If we aren't both being and doing, then we're hypocrites. To give very simple examples, I can go to church every Sunday (do) but if I don't believe in the gospel then what's the point- there's no be. Or, maybe I believe in my heart the truth of the gospel (be) but if I never act on it by going to church, I'm not doing. Those are over-simplified examples, but you get the point.
     One of the things that really got me was when he mentioned "to do lists". I'm such a to-do list person- and by that I don't mean actual written to-do lists, but rather ones in my head- and I rely on them daily. For example:

get up

feed the kids breakfast

get them dressed and off to school

wash sheets and towels

dust and vacuum upstairs

pick up son from kindergarten

feed kids lunch

put daughter down for nap 

write

make sure kids have done their homework/ home reading

make and eat dinner

put kids to bed

     This is my actual list for tomorrow (and most Wednesdays) and it will run through my head throughout the day while I mentally check things off. It gives me great satisfaction to get things done. When I do, I feel like I've earned the time to write, to read, or watch my favorite shows. But these things are all do's. They're important, yes. But where in that list is, play with the kids?
     Then I think of more churchly things- I can mentally check off: went to church, did my visiting teaching, read my scriptures, paid my tithing... you get the idea. But if I'm doing all those things simply to check them off my mental list, have I really gotten the point? Am I doing them more because I feel I have to- to get them done- than an overpowering desire to be even as he is? Hmm....
     Another reason I liked this talk is because Brother Robbins applied be and do to parenting. He says, "as a parent, when can I check a child off my list as done? We are never done being good parents. And to be good parents, one of the most important things we can teach our children is how to be more like the Savior."
     He says that teaching be to our children will improve behavior more effectively than focusing on do.
     So, my kids are fighting with each other (surprise surprise). When I yell at them to stop fighting with each other, is this really effective? Of course not. (Although honestly, sometimes they don't listen until I get to the yelling.) But instead of disciplining them for what they did, I need to figure out what would correct the fighting. Like teaching them to be patient and forgiving. Teaching them to love. Teaching them not to blame.
     The word discipline come from the same root word as disciple- therefore we should be disciplining with patience and with helpful lessons. Not with anger. He quotes D&C, saying we should discipline "by persuasion, long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness and pure knowledge."
     There's something I feel the need to say though. First off, I am not even close to being "the perfect mother". If anything, I lose my temper too easily. BUT- I've seen other mothers who I think interpret the above to saying to their kids, 'please don't do that' in a plaintive almost begging quiet voice. While I applaud the non-loss of temper, most kids I've seen totally ignore this kind of discipline. So. I think there needs to be the happy medium: a very firm but non-yelling kind of discipline. Trust me- I'm saying this to myself because I need to quiet down my voice lots of times.
     I thought it was funny when he mentioned that a sweet child enrolls their parents in Parenting 101 while a more difficult child enrolls them in Parenting 505. For me and my four kids, I'd say I'm probably in 101, 202, 404, and 505- all different with each of my kids. What I find interesting (and somewhat awful) about myself is that I seem to be hardest on my 101 kid and yet she gets the least of attention. Could be because she's the oldest. But that's definitely something for me to work on.
     Brother Robbins talks about turning negatives to positives. If they confess to doing something wrong, praise their honesty rather than focusing on the actual deed. Give compliments on being, not doing. Instead of "good job vacuuming" try "it makes me happy when you do your chores with a willing heart". Instead of saying "nice goal" in a sport, try, "you never gave up".
     The talk was full of so much, and it gave me a lot to think about. A lot to work on in with my own actions and in how I parent my children. To finish I want to quote Brother Robbins. He said, "The most important way to teach to be is to be the kind of parents to our children that our Father in Heaven is to us."
     I'm really glad I got to participate in this blogfest. It helped me to listen extra attentively to the talks. And blogging about this one helped me to understand it better, to really think about it deeply in relation to my own life. I can't wait to read what the other bloggers have to say...

Annette Lyon: “Desire”
Annie Cechini: “The Spirit of Revelation”
Ben Spendlove: “The Atonement Covers All Pain”
Chantele Sedgwick: “LDS Women Are Incredible!”
Charity Bradford: “LDS Women Are Incredible!”
Jackee Alston: “The Eternal Blessings of Marriage”
Jenilyn Tolley: “What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?”
Jennifer McFadden: “Establishing a Christ-Centered Home”
Jessie Oliveros: “Establishing a Christ-Centered Home”
Jolene Perry: “It’s Conference Once Again”
Jordan McCollum: “What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?”
Kasey Tross: “Guided by the Holy Spirit”
Kayeleen Hamblin: “Become as a Little Child”
Kelly Bryson: “The Atonement Covers All Pain”
Krista Van Dolzer: “Opportunities to Do Good”
Melanie Stanford: “What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?”
Michelle Merrill: “The Eternal Blessings of Marriage”
Myrna Foster: “Opportunities to Do Good”
Nisa Swineford: “Desire”
Sallee Mathews: “The Eternal Blessings of Marriage”
Sierra Gardner: “The Atonement Covers All Pain”
Tamara Hart Heiner: “Waiting on the Road to Damascus”
The Writing Lair: “Waiting on the Road to Damascus”

Killjoy

     Yesterday I wrote approx. 4,000 words on Jessica book 2. 4,000 words!!! What a great day! It just put me in the best mood, I felt so excited about the book, nothing could get me down. I even blogged about writing sequels because I just felt so great about the work I'd done yesterday and so far on the whole book.
     Then last night as I'm checking my email, I get a nice form rejection. Nothing like a rejection to kill my good mood. Or totally annihilate it. At least they didn't have any pages so the rejection was based on my query only or on the story idea. That's something. I guess. Although it makes me question my query... but I'm going to leave it for now since it's a brand new draft.
     Well, to lighten my mood today, I put 15 songs on my playlist that I'm loving right now. I couldn't have a silent playlist, it just wasn't working for me. Silly I know, but I can't help myself. I think these songs show just how varied my music tastes are. So I'm going to use the music to get me pumped again so that I can ignore last night's rejection and churn out another thousand words or so this afternoon. Wish me luck, and have a happy Thursday.

Sequels

     I read a post yesterday on the BookEnds blog (I have a link on the side there) about sequels. Someone asked whether it's useful to write a sequel to a book that hasn't been published yet. Jessica from BookEnds replied that no, you really shouldn't waste your time writing a sequel. By all means write an outline, but leave it at that. Because if the first book is never published, you haven't wasted effort on writing a second, and if it is, you'll have plenty of time to write that sequel after.

    
     Well, I agree... sort of. I mean I can't fully agree since I'm in the middle of writing my own sequel to a book I haven't published yet. But I understand what she's saying. Daze and Knights (my first Jessica book) might never get published. Although I don't quite cut it off in the middle of the story, thus making a sequel necessary, I have written it so that you're left wanting more (hopefully) and in a way that you couldn't really read the second one before the first. The second one (currently untitled) doesn't stand on its own. So even if I finish it, I could never query it. The only real difference writing it makes is that I could change my query letter line from "I have started a sequel" to "I have finished a sequel". Big whoop-de-doo.

    
     So why am I writing it? Well, I can give you multiple reasons...

    
     1- It's hard not to envision where you want your books to go, especially if you plan right off the bat to make it a series of books instead of just one.

    
     2- My vision of what I wanted to happen in each subsequent book changed drastically from what I had first planned while writing Daze and Knights. Most of this is due to Jessica's relationship with Lord Alric, which I never planned to be as intense as it turned out. After talking with my sister who read my second draft (poor girl), she insisted that I couldn't omit Alric from future books (which I had originally planned to do). After our conversation, and a lot of brainstorming, I changed my views for future books. Those views became quite fixed and made me excited for what was to come.

    

     3- My idea for book 2 was an idea I've had for a long time, long before Daze and Knights was born (or even conceived- haha!) So naturally I spent time- in my head of course- tweaking it to fit with Jessica. While doing this, some very clear scenes played out in my head, so clear that they were impossible for me to ignore. In fact I remember some of those scenes coming to me during one of my three-hour drives to Cardston to visit my parents. I just had to write them down.

    
     All three of those reasons maybe aren't quite enough to explain why I'm now taking the time to write something that might just be so unnecessary as to render it obsolete. The biggest reason therefore is this:

    
     4- My original idea, which led to my new idea, which led to some very fun and some very heart wrenching scenes, led me to dah-da-da-daaaa: unshakable excitement. I can't help writing it because I'm just so freaking excited about book 1 and 2! I'm excited about the differences between the two, the differences in the worlds/time periods, the HUGE difference in Alric. I'm just so fired up with where this book is taking me and where it could go in future books that I Just. Can't. Help. My. Self. (Yes I know myself is one word).

    
     No, I won't write any future Jessica books, although I could. I already have 3 different time periods I want her to visit, and different ideas for what might happen in each. One of those three would be the last book of the series (if it became one) and I have written an outline for that. (I find that when ideas come, it's best to write them right away, even in note form, or I'll completely forget them. On the day that I was practically seized with what would happen in the last book, I did just that- writing a page of notes of what I see happening, at least right now. Things would probably change if I ever got to that point.)

    

     The thing is, I love Jessica. I love writing her. She feels like a part of me. And I can't help feeling fired up about her. I know when I finish book 2, it's going to be hard for me to let her go. (Hopefully by then I'll be closer to publishing book 1 and then I won't have to. Ha- a girl can dream!) But I will. I'll put book 2 aside, without edits (ouch that'll be hard), and start something completely brand new. But deep down I'll still be praying for the day when Jessica sees the light and I can continue her story.

               

       (Pictured- some of my favorite sequels. Clearly I had a hard time choosing!!!)

the first one ~ boyslikegirls

The First One by Boys Like Girls

Taylor Swift - Haunted (with lyrics)

Ok so after I published that last post about changing my music, I went to playlist and realized that only 2 of those 5 songs were there, and the 2 that mattered least to me. Sucky. So I found them on youtube instead and decided to only post Haunted and The First One. Enjoy, if you feel like it.

Update On Book 2

     Well, I've written just under 42,000 words on Jessica- book 2. So I'm not quite halfway through, but I still feel like I've got a long way to go. And I'm a little worried that it won't be long enough, which is laughable since the first draft of book 1 was approx 168,000 words! I know! I've cut about 50,000 words off it- more than I've written s far for book 2! That's why I feel like I've got a lot still to do. (FYI- this is my computer word count, not my estimated word count which happens to be a lot less.)
     To motivate me, I've decided to put songs on my playlist this month that I've either mentioned in book 2 or have inspired me for book 2. The one that inspires me the most is Taylor Swift's Haunted. It's just so perfect for the situation of book 2, for what Jessica has to go through, for how Alric is towards her. I get the shivers every time I hear that song because of what I see in my head while listening to it.
     If book 2 was a movie, I'd use The First One by Boys Like Girls at the very beginning of the movie because it very aptly describes what Jessica is going through missing Lord Alric, and how she sees him everywhere even though he's not really there.
      I mention both Club Can't Handle Me (by Flo-Rida) and You Don't Know Me (by Michael Buble) in one particular scene- a scene that I happen to love.
     And just because I love Two Is Better Than One and it's like my anthem/theme for book 1, I just had to put it in.
     That's all I got. I'm sure as I write more, I'll find more songs that either fit into the book or inspire me for different scenes. I'm trying to ignore the worry that it might not be long enough, or that I'm butchering the history part of it (it takes place in 1781). I just want to keep it up and get the story written. That's my goal. See it, live it, write it. Later I'll worry if it sucks bricks.

Random Thankfulness

    
     I was reading back my random rants post and I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Gee, my life is tough (and yes, that's 100% sarcastic). There are awful tragedies happening around the world, people are going through so much pain and turmoil, and here I am ranting about how my favorite tv shows aren't on right now! Terrible.
     So I thought I'd counter it with random things that I'm thankful for.

1- The way my kids look at me, like I'm the person that matters most in the world.

2- How even though I'm tired or cranky on sundays sometimes, the lessons, or talks, or even just the hymns are enough to part my dark clouds.

3-  Nothing beats a really great song. Music incites such emotions within me, it's no wonder I listen to it almost all day long and that it's such inspiration for my writing.

4- Writing makes me happy. Enough said.

5- I love Chapters (or Indigo, whichever). I go there and it calms me. I breathe in the books. I could sit there all day long and just read.

6- I had a roommate at BYU who said that at the movies, the previews would make her forget what movie she was seeing and then she'd get extra excited when she remembered what movie was about to start. I feel that exact thing every time I go to a movie.

7- I heart my blackberry torch. I know that's silly, but after having a crappy phone for the last ten years, there's nothing like that feeling of 'I am so cool' that my blackberry gives me. Stupid? Yes. But also true. It's that sixteen-year-old coming out in me.

8- There's nothing like a Cadbury Cream Egg. I mean, yum. I'm practically drooling right now just thinking about licking out the creamy center and then gobbling up the chocolate egg.

9- I know some people say that Walmart is evil, but I'm sorry, I love it. And I can't wait until Target comes to Canada. There just better be one close by.

10- It warms my heart to watch my kids play nicely together (even though it never lasts forever).

One extra- 11- Can I mention how much I love Tangled! My kids are watching it right now. Is it the greatest kids movie ever, or what?!